Sitting here in a hospital bed at the NIH is not my idea of fun. In fact, I can't think of it being anyone's idea of fun. And my current situation in life makes it much more difficult to appreciate the blessings of life. It is easy to fall into a spiral of self pity, doubting God and all that I have ever taught or preached about Him for years. Then, He has a way of reminding you with that still small voice that is present even in the darkest of moments. My wife was in the process of chewing me out for forgetting how big my God is. Her words to me were along the lines of, "...you're little, God is big!" to which my two year old daughter replied, "NO! I'm big!"
She is big, but one day I hope she is able to understand just how big her God is. He is immeasurably larger than I can ever imagine, and my human mind is guilty of underestimating His power and might often.
So I lay here in my bed, crying, wondering about God's plan for my life and all that jazz, really feeling sorry for myself. Then I realize that I have a song playing over and over in my head. Let me type the lyrics for you. I really like the 3rd verse.
Great is thy faithfulness, O God my father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not
As thou hast been, thou forever will be
Great is thy faithfulness, Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed, thy hand has provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest
sun moon and stars in their courses above
join with all nature in manifold witness,
to thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessing all mine, with ten thousand beside!
O God, please let me remember those blessings. Grant me that peace that endures. Bless me with your own presence to cheer me up when I'm feeling bad. Bless me with your presence to help me make the right decisions. Grant me each day, the strength I need for that day, and remind me of that bright future that I have with you. May heaven be always a thought upon my mind and a hope upon my heart. Father, you have much more qualifications to take care of my family than I do. So help me to every day give them to you. Give to me an inner strength that is inexplicable to all so that you might be glorified through my life. Open my eyes to see that the people I come into contact with, wherever I come into contact with them, are all people who matter deeply to you. Perhaps you couldn't get them to come into a church, so you're taking one of your pastors to them...
Just give me the strength to do what you would have me to do.